Whether I like it or not, this is real.

Today was my last appointment to see if the hcg was out of my system..I've dreaded this day for a while because that meant losing this baby would be real..I could no longer hold onto a thought that i was still pregnant. Sitting in the lab was so upsetting, I was the ONLY ONE who wasnt expecting a baby, I had to leave just so i didnt cry in front of anyone..I mean that was supposed to be me and it was taken from me...after waiting 2 and a half hours for my results they came back 2.03 which is essentially 0..We can start trying again if we want to at any time..I really want a baby but it took us 4 months to get pregnant in the begining and Dustin leaves Jan for yet ANOTHER deployment.

As weird as it sounds I feel relieved finally confirming I am no longer pregnant..no baby, no hormone, no nothing..I can finally start living my life again...I almost feel free

A letter to our bean.

I loved you before I knew you were in my tummy..I loved you even before we knew we wanted to start trying..You were the one thing that I prayed for every night and I am so glad I finally got to know what it feels like to be your mommy <3

From the moment I realized I was pregnant I daydreamed about meeting you, loving you was so easy..one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life...It just felt right when you were with me. I thanked god every time I could because he gave me the best gift in the entire world..you.. God decided he needed you more than I did, he knew how much of an angel you really were. When you left me took a peice of my heart with you, and when I finally realized you were gone I fell to my knees and whispered I love you.

I know we will meet again some day, and we will pick up right where we left off <3 I love you bean.

It's been too long.

It has been far too long since I have written, too be honest I've just been so caught up in my life....so caught up in being in love..We now have two huskies named Oden and Thor and they are my world.  We got Thor from a shelter and he has been so completely amazing, so has Oden.

 We are still far away from completing our house..I mean we have all of the basics, just alot of empty rooms. Dustin and I will be able to spend our first christmas in our new home together. I'm actually really looking forward to it!! We got our first christmas tree, its real and it is amazing!

We found out we were pregnant November 3rd..We were so very excited we were going to be able to start our family.. I left to visit my family on the 9th and got back the 16th. My family was so happy and excited for us. On the 17th I miscarried. I am still so very heartbroken and bitter..I'm getting better though and I hope we can make a baby soon. I miss my bean like crazy.

What I have realized going through this is that I have an amazing support system..my friends, family and my husband have been so supportive during this time. I am truly lucky with the life that I have

Next Chapter

Welp my hubby is no longer in Iraq!! He got back a few days ago and today he is going to our house!! I have to admit I am a little jealous I cant be there with him yet, but hes coming in a few days for my sisters birthday party and then off I go to Jacksonville! I made sure to tell him he has to take lots and lots of pictures for me!

We pick up Oden on the 8th and I cant wait to meet him! I got him his first toy yesterday at the puppy strore, everyone says he will rip the squeeker out but I know my little Odie wont do that >< ... He better not anyways.

I cant wait to see my husband...I cant wait to wake up to him every morning like a wife is supposed to, I'm excited to somewhat have a "normal" life.

we've decided to change our website to something more supportive..and what is more supportive than a military support forum?! The site is www.notsosilentranks.com so if you are a military SO then join! it really is turning out to be great!


thats all for now.

our first addition to our little family

Yesterday we got a new doggy! He is the first addition to our little family and he's a Husky. I was so against the red ones, I just thought the black haired huskys were so much prettier....but then Dustin sent me this little guy and I automatically thought he was the cutest thing in the entire world <3 He has to stay at the breeders until June but 5 weeks is worth the wait for this little guy!

It seems like everything is falling into place for us..We have a home, now a little fur monster, and most importantly eachother. Dustin is leaving Iraq in a few weeks and I cant even explain how exciting it is...When I look back it hasnt seemed that long, it's kind of sad how 9months flew by but i'm so greatful it did.

I'm getting a little sad leaving my family but I have to remember that I have my own now. I still feel like a 16year old kid...it feels like yesterday still..but the truth is i'm all grown up now, its scary how fast it flys... I'm so excited to see whats in our future...I've waited so long for this but its all been so worth it.


Meet our Oden.

Guess who's finally a home owner?! My hubby and I!!! After waiting over 3weeks for a closing date and signing a gazillion and one papers we finally have our OWN home! I can tell Dustins so relieved and so excited and it makes me smile..THIS is our new chapter---this is where we'll start our family. Words alone cant describe how grateful I am to have the life that I do, Not everyone is as lucky as I have been. 5 more weeks until i'm living with my husband like a wife should....I cant wait to start feeling semi normal.

I'm starting to have Saturdays off instead of just Sunday..I'm so excited to just bum it on a saturday and watch movies and bake (i'm trying to figure out the whole baking thing)

Welp thats all for now..I'll update in a bit when something else happens

Finally.

Welp...Our closing is FINALLY set and stone for April 29th. I cant believe we are going to officially be homeowners. 5 weeks until I am with my husband in our new home....You'd think id be so happy and carefree right? well i'm not.

For the past week now I've been nothing but a bawl bag-- I cry-- I cry-- and I cry some more. Dustin says its because i'm overly excited, maybe hes right.  I'm not my normal happy self lately and that kills me. I wonder if this happens to other people or if I'm just the weird one. I will tell you one thing though, Dustin has been nothing but understanding about me being off lately...I think its because he's been deployed and stuff before and this is my first time dealing with it. I am awfully lucky.


OH YEA! We're re-enlisting!!! I think that with this economy its the best decision for our future family.

on a happy note my friends and I made a forum! It's been alot of fun and is very addicting so if you get a chance visit www.theprettypeoplesworld.com and join! do eeeet.. I know I know your thinking "wow how vain, how shallow" well people beauty is on the inside too, remember that!




That's all I can think of today..I'll update if I think of more!

Life changes.

It's funny how life can change so quickly. One minute you know exactly how your future will go and then next everything is up in the air. The truth is you never know for sure whats going to happen -- even when you think you do. Life has shown me that nothing ever happens the way that it's supposed to and i'm finally okay with that...why? Because I finally have someone by my side who's going to be with em every step of the way.  When you get older you finally realize that nothing goes to plan and that life is always throwing you curve balls. At first you don't know how to handle them, but eventually you start to learn to accept it that you cant control everything and start rolling with the punches.

We all know that being with someone means you have to make sacrifices..some are are life changing and some are just temporary but they all mean the world to the person your doing it for.

is it over yet?

It's hard for me to grasp that i'll be moving in less than two months, it just doesnt seem real to me yet. I feel like I'm constantly day dreaming about something thats never going to happen.  When will the reality set in that i'm finally going to have a new chapter in my life? The closer his homecoming is the more upset and discontent I get. I just want to be in his arms already! Something so close seems so far away and unreachable but I know that once it does come the wait will be worth it. The past 8months of frusterations and all of the tears will be worth it.

Every future plan I have involves him. I dont know what I would do if he wasnt in my life. I miss him. I need him.

Please come home to me.

Thinking about the future

Lately I've been thinking about how lucky I am to have someone like my husband and how excited I am for the future. I'm 22 and going to be a homeowner with my husband in 7 days, how many people can say that?!It's funny how things can change so fast, one minute you think you have nothing...and then the next you think you have the world.

The closer his homecoming date comes the more impatient and antsy I become. I hate it. So to pass the time a little more I joined a female gym that has Zumba, Booty Beat, and a bunch of other fun classes. I've went to two classes so far and it's been really fun! I highly recommend it chickys!

I'm really dizzy today and it stinks-- Its dehydration booo...I hate water. I've decided I'm going to stick with this blog, at first I was embarrassed to show people but who cares ya know? Lifes too short to care what people think, especially ones youve never met!

New Plans..New Future

Alot's happend in the past few weeks, and by alot..I mean alot alot...Hubbs has decided that in a little under two years he wants to become a reservist instead of re-enlisting..I was shocked since the origional plan was for him to re enlist...So now we're looking for a house to live in for after. It's so weird how plans change..The more I think about it the more excited I become. I finally get to live the "normal" way....for the most part.


Life throws punches but I guess you gotta roll with it.