The process.

Words cant describe the way you feel when your SO first tells you he's going away for a while...First your Upset, then your angry, then eventually you just go numb. I cant imagine being in his shoes at that time..figuring out in his mind how he is going to tell you, what he is going to say so you don't completely lose it. How he feels leaving the love of his life to go to some foreign land....yea...that's got to hurt....It takes a strong individual to wake up every morning at 5am to talk to you before he goes to work, to email you every chance he gets.....to balance his relationship and his career. Not everyone can do it, that's why so many of them break their relationship off so they can focus on whats to come.

You're SO will never fully know the feelings you feel when they are gone. We will never tell them we cry almost everyday thinking about them...Or that its hard making yourself get out of bed every morning and actually getting ready. That we spend 80% on a forum all day because we have no one else who understands us...That we have no desire to go out and party...The one thing we both depend on is the HOPE of hearing from one another keeps us going everyday.

My birthday is on the 31st..up until yesterday I thought my birthday fell on a Saturday, not a Friday..how is it that I know the exact days until June (152 days) but not even know what day my birthday is a few days before hand?. It's because im focused on one thing and one thing only..when my baby comes home.

That is what we are all focused on.

Looking Back

Looking back I never thought things would end up the way that they are. When your little you plan everything down to the very last detail on how you want your life to be..What kind of friends you have, Your school, you wedding.

I never thought that I would date let alone marry someone in the military, I'm not against it but the thought never crossed my mind. Come to think of it the one thing ive never really thought about was who I was going to marry. He remained faceless and nameless. I've always just figured who I married would no doubt be the love of my life and thats all that should matter...I've never had a specific type either..I guess thats weird.

When I met my husband I was 17, I never really thought about him in that way..I still to this day dont know why..I guess you never really realize what you have until its gone. Long story short I avoided him and he got stationed somewhere else...We still talked all the time, a few times a week....It wasnt until I moved on my own that I realized he was the only one for me and always has been..I dont understand how someone could be so dumb and not see the perfect guy standing in front of her for 4years? I still feel sick to my stomach everytime I think about it..What if I never came around, I would have never married him...or found my soulmate...But still he never gave up on me, he knew in his heart that I was the one for him.

The point is life doesnt always follow your plans, it takes twists and turns and sometimes ignores what you want completely.You have to embrace the changes because you will get what you want in the end, it just might not be what you invisioned..it will be better